Eighteen on the Eighteenth…
Eighteen months on the eighteenth this month. It’s hard to believe I haven’t seen or spoken to you this long. I feel your presence most days in things I didn’t before. When you first left this earth, I remember thinking…time heals all things. I was quite optimistic with loss, as most things in life. Reality…
Do you see the blessings in your life?
I was in a sad frame of mind yesterday. People were getting me down and I was allowing it to happen. All the while I was telling our children not to worry, things will be okay. We all meet new friends and God gives us blessings, we only need to look for them. I was…
Son, when I grow old…
What I’ve learned in these past 515 days has made me a new person. I had no clue what loss was before our son went to be in God’s house of gold. I now know that understanding and sympathy are two completely different thoughts. Gratefully, I had never experienced a situation of true trauma until October 18,…
Growing pains…
In this ocean of grief, there are days I feel pulled under water. Days that everything I hear or see reminds me of him. Most things that only I would know. The mention of the name of a movie that the guy that hit him, went to see…just before. The song on the radio he…
Ronnoc the Cunning…
Connor was a clever, talented writer. In honor of a new year and new beginnings I am sharing my favorite writing of his with you. The characters in this paper are all good friends and in his British Literature class at Edwardsville High School. He walked by my desk one afternoon and gently tossed this…
Christmas joy…
Many things I do, I still do for him. This new journey has been strange and I find myself quite different. I used to be creeped out by cemeteries, now I find peace there. Most people are in craft stores to create some fun. I find myself in Michaels buying flowers and honoring things that…
Looking up…
Our last conversation was on October 18th, 2014 in the early afternoon. I remember it vividly as Connor was expressing to me his disappointment…in an adult. It was someone he looked up to. He was always frightfully open and honest. When I look back at that last exchange of words, I remember feeling sad that…
Did you call?
I’ve spent most of my life wondering what my calling was. When you begin college you are called to declare a field or major. Some of us declare and then realize we really just don’t know what we would like to do with our life. It is a daunting task to try and figure out…
Thankful for flies…
Odd I know. This is one of those peculiar happenings since Connor left this earth. One of those things that makes you go hmmm. Every Sunday during church Connor would do something to make us all laugh. Usually it was near the end of the service during the last hymn. He would begin singing in…
Four letter words…
Connor was 17 years old when we had a discussion about foul language. Not that we hadn’t had discussions before, but I noticed he was using them frequently. His excuse was that all teenagers did this and his good news was, that he was normal. He also informed me that he had been told profanity…
A light in the ocean…
Oceans deep, dark and vast, ever treading water and never feeling solid ground. Water is rushing by, as waves raise high and crash down over us. Bobbing up and down for air as the tides spiral us deep down into darkness. The sea salt in our open wounds painfully cleanse our souls. To open eyes…
Destiny…
Destiny is defined as “what is meant to be, what is written in the stars, your inescapable fate.” Connor left us in as much of a surprise as when he arrived into this world. I was in shock to realize we were expecting a child. Not that I wasn’t old enough, as I was 28. I…