Things our son knew…
Parents of loss, as children return to school, liquid remains of dreams unfulfilled, run down cheeks into hearts forever stilled. Look up and receive the gifts given only through grief. They are there. MamaC
Thoughts shared from August 19, 2015:
Yesterday marked ten months since I last spoke with our son Connor. Most things in life ease with time. I have not found this to be true with his loss. I expect that many would like to say, get over it already…and some have. Until you walk in these shoes and I pray you never will, be kind to those who have. Each day I work hard to find things to be thankful for and to lift myself up. I begin with prayer. Some days these things are handed to me on a silver platter and some days I must look really hard.
Connor’s saying of “Walk outside, look up, be happy” keeps me looking up everyday. I know what he meant and why he said it. Today, I share with you…without a doubt…what he knew and what gets me through.
1. He was loved. So much that he sighed heavily as I repeated it. He claimed that I smothered him because “I loved him too much.” I insisted he report in to me and to always remember he held my heart within his life, this he knew.
2. He was a role model for his siblings and cousin Melia. He took great love in this responsibility in his life. He adored them as much as they did him. He opened his arms wide as we added his younger two siblings in through adoption five short years ago. He knew when he made mistakes that they would learn from him and he was okay with that. He understood unconditional love and gave it freely to his sisters, brothers and cousin. They looked up to him, this he knew.
3. He was gifted with gab. He used this gift for good. Through trial and error, he realized social media was good for fun, but not for anger. He never knew a stranger. When his friends or family were down, he could lift them up with his insightful and humorous talks. Once he left home at 10pm with a mug of hot chocolate to lift a friend up. I shook my head. He truly lived up to his nick name, “the Doctor.” He could make anyone smile through tears, this he knew.
4. He was one with music. He was rarely seen without headphones. He loved all music from Disney tunes to Eminem. He played the violin for 14 years. He learned the piano and guitar by simply listening. He shared his “tunes” with everyone. It was amazing he knew every lyric to his favorite rap songs and would play them in my car. He hit play then paused, to explain to me, what each phrase meant (good or bad) and to show me that they were stories worth listening to. He made CD’s for his friends that reminded them of times spent together. Music made him smile…this he knew.
5. Above all these wonderful things, he knew Christ. I am thankful for this. Jesus gave his life on the cross, to save us from our sins, so that we have may eternal life. Our family shall be together again, this he knew and I am forever grateful.
Peace, love and blessings!
Photo: Connor’s cousin Melia honoring his memory 2015.