Quiet Corner…
Our music corner sits quiet these days. Connor used to pick up his violins and play fiddle songs while our other kids danced through the house. It was quite entertaining. He would listen to you tube videos and then play the piano by ear. I was amazed at how he just became one with music. After months of lessons for others, Connor would just pick up the guitar and play a song. He never thought a thing of it.
I find myself wondering if I had gotten something before he left for school and if he had seen it. The reality that he never will, continues to set in. Today, Carter is honored to be the paige for Lutheran High Snowball dance. I know Connor would have been excited to see him and of course teased him about the pretty girls on court. Each day brings new feelings of loss. Grief is much bigger than I had ever imagined. I am characteristicly too optimistic. This does not work well with loss. It sneaks up on me when I least expect it. I am continuously surprised at others expectations of those grieving to jump back into life. It takes time. Breathing is an effort some days.
I know our boy would be devastated if he thought I was in despair at his loss. Therefore, I keep smiling, moving forward and looking up. Connor knew God’s love and his promise of eternal life. You can experience the love of God, by opening up your heart to Him. I shout out, that this is what lifts me up each day. God has blessed me and I have seen miracles in this life through fervent prayer. Things happen for a reason, just believe and your eyes will be opened. It’s 9:21 am what are you going to do with your life today? Make it count! Connor’s words: “He gave you life, don’t waste it!”
My Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in Him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. John 6:40
Sending you love and prayers. Take your time. Everyone has their own journey. No one should expect you to jump into anything. I know you are the person who will do as much as you can, don’t push your limits for others expectations, only do what your heart can handle. I remember Rene’s first years after losing Justin, she mentioned just breathing quite a bit. I can’t imagine how consuming your loss is, I’m sure it is anyone’s worst nightmare. I’m sure you will jump back into life when you are ready. It will probably be more like baby steps. Just know you and your family are so very loved and special. I’m happy you found a channel to express your feelings. I will check in often. I admire you and your strength very much. Call if you ever need anything. Love Holly
I can so identify with your words on loss and grief–how quickly tears can fill my eyes and yet what joy and comfort I find in memories