A spoonful of sugar…
Earlier I received an email from a friend that gave explanation and asked for forgiveness in advance of expected crabbiness. This person is on a diet and without sugar they are not the same happy person. This I understand.
One month from today will be five years since our son left this earth. That’s hard to believe. I used to warn people that during the month of October, there may be shiny drops of pure sadness flowing down my cheeks with full on grief shining through. The first time I gave warning, I was told by an employer that I needed to compartmentalize my grief, put on my big girl panties and get on with it.
Lesson learned. Many told me to just keep busy. I think I had that one down. However, keeping busy does not keep our minds off of the fact that someone we loved died. It didn’t year one, nor does it year five.
Lesson learned. Stop and feel, begins to heal. It’s hard, even now. Others may not give us a break, so give yourself compassion and kindness. We are hardest on ourselves, when we expect others to understand. Deep empathy is impossible without wearing our shoes.
Our soles have holes unknown to most. Our feet have felt fire beneath them. Our knees have given way to the ground. Our arms long to hold, and our hearts have been broken. Our vision is through the eyes of grief.
In the present, I am able to see gifts with these new eyes. The gift of our son changed our lives, no matter the time. The relationship with him is kept in our heart, mind and soul. Someday memories will fade, but fierce love will remain. He will continue to be a part of our family.
We are not the person we were before loss. We never will be. We are wiser by God’s grace. We love without hesitation. We appreciate the sunsets and stars crowding the sky. We are not meant for eternal sadness but radiant joy. We choose an attitude of gratitude as we continue to seek the light. We are forever grateful for the sweetness in our lives.
Peace & blessings,
MamaC
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4
With every blog you write, and I read, the tears roll down my face and a lump forms in my throat. Your spirituality and your God-breathed discernment and painfully earned wisdom grow deeper and richer with every passing year since your beautiful boy made his early and life-changing departure. I do not think you know how many people you touch every time you put your words into text to share. I think you will be amazed when we all get to Heaven and God shows you just how many hearts He touched through your willingness to be His vessel and continuance to Shine your light, and more importantly HIS light, as you walk through your challenges day in, and day out. I love you so much, and I am blessed to be your friend and your Sister in Christ. May HE continue to hold you up when you feel too weak to stand. Romans 8:28, “And we know that in ALL things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”