Birthday light.

A true story:  Connor was loved deeply.  What he taught in life was beautiful.  What he taught in death was powerful.  He was an immeasurable gift that no one expected to lose.  His death was the single most difficult experience in many lives. His loss was an event with no ending.  Friends and family have been forced to look back at his life, instead of experiencing it beside him.  

A Mama’s story: I’m broken and exhausted. There have been many times I’ve wanted to lie down and give up, to somehow escape the sadness. Yet, I am right where I need to be. There are others like me. I am no different than parents all over the world, grieving the loss of their child or children.  

Today is our son’s birthday.  He would be 24 and is celebrating eternal life with Jesus.  This is his fifth birthday in Heaven, and we miss him every single day.

Parents of loss have spent years planning birthday parties for our children that are no longer here to celebrate with us.  People ask, why would you continue to celebrate on this day when your child is no longer here?  Friends trying to understand and say “the right” things.  Inside we never, ever want them to truly understand child loss.

My heart believes that God gives us exactly what we cannot handle, so that we will turn to Him for hope.  We are unable to hold steady as our child dies.  HOW does anyone pull themselves up by their boot straps and carry on, self-sufficient in death?  I don’t believe they do.  

We all need God to carry us, and He will.  You may not believe me. Either way, by His grace, I am here to shine the light of Jesus with anyone that He guides this way.  

The true story above, was written about our son, however, it is the truth of Jesus, with one huge ETERNAL difference.  We CAN walk by faith, forever, with our Savior. We believe that our son is with him in heaven. The most difficult part is the wait, from here to eternity.  Until then, we find purpose.

You see, we are all given a path to walk.  Things do not simply happen, they are directed.  As we wade through the ashes, we DO have a choice.  He uses broken people to shine His light through the cracks.  I have many cracks and I pray people see His rays of hope through them.  

“Good Mourning” is too wake and find joy where Christ is. Grief is the shock of loss.  Mourning begins healing and takes time. Together, He will cover us and be our strength.

During August, Connor’s birthday month, we will be welcoming grieving parents of faith or those considering Christ, to join our “Good Mourning Circle” of friends.  If you or someone you know, would benefit from this membership, please subscribe to this blog with your email and/or share it with others for an upcoming connection.  

May you find joy, peace and hope today!

Blessings,

MamaC

I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Psalm 34:4-7

Photo Credit: Jill Heupel Photography – Connor Grin 2014