Good greed?

This morning as I entered Carter’s room for the first time in a week, he jumped up, hugged me tightly and thanked me for coming back to him safely.  Thoughts from a child that lost his birth parents, foster parents and a brother that left for college and did not come back.  It’s all in his heart, at age 10.  He forever tells me, “I love you more,”  before I even say a word.  He is a precious gift.  Written:  January 31, 2016.  

In the Fall of 2017, our son Calvin, age 16, asked me a profound question over lunch.  “Mom, do you think that Connor’s life’s purpose was fulfilled?”  That question shook me to the core.  Why would he think that his brother’s purpose could be fulfilled in 19 short years?  I had SO many hopes, dreams and expectations for his life!  Of course, that NEVER crossed my mind!  I’ve pondered this ever since.  

Grief changes us and the way we see life.  Today, I would say YES, I DO believe his purpose was fulfilled.  NOT a mother’s choice, for I did not know our son’s purpose.  What I saw was a gift from God.  Surely he was here to fulfill my heart!  Connor brought happiness to life. He spread laughter with all that knew him. He was our first born son, first maternal grandchild, and not a bit spoiled.  🙂  So what WAS his purpose?

At times, our children can see clearly when our sight is blinded.  Calvin also dared to ask – What if Connor’s purpose was to make our lives better, by opening our eyes to things we would not have known otherwise?  He brought friendships, LOVE, smiles, tears, laughter, mischief, music, hardships, choices and many memories!  On this journey together with those we love, circumstances can change in an instant.  Loss of a loved one brings value to time, more so than money could ever withstand.  In grief, time does not allow us to forget.  The LAST thing we want is for our beloved to be forgotten.  Time DOES allow for a shift in our hearts and minds, albeit a painful shift.

We will never be the same.  As strange as it may sound, I am thankful for new vision.  I now see life, through the eyes of grief.  When people speak, the words I hear are applied in the same manner.

Last Sunday, I listened to a sermon that included the topic of greed.  The Pastor was speaking to the fact that fear fuels greed.  The “what if’s” that creep into our minds.  We fear that God may not take care of us how WE desire.  This is most certainly true.  He spoke of all things greed, such as wealth, possessions and even attention.  His words of wisdom certainly had MY attention!  Death stole my fear of “what if’s,” replacing it with “it truly happened.”  All the worrying, tracking, following and checking did nothing to prevent loss.  This was NOT my plan.  

During this sermon, my ears acknowledged greed ~ for family.  Greed of our children.  But wait!  How can greed seep into that?  I mean family…that’s already ours!  Yet, it’s not.  He giveth and He taketh. 

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” Job 1:20-21

We then have a choice.  That fork in the road, of which we say, “How dare HE?”  OR “Dear Lord PLEASE carry me!  Reveal to me, your purpose for my life.”

Peace & Blessings,

MamaC

For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 1 John 2:16