When you close your eyes…
Parents, after you read this, close your eyes. Imagine all the photos of your children in your home. All the places there are memories of school work, drawings, and handmade gifts placed before you. Music begins to play and you are instantly transported back in time. Smiling faces, singing, silliness, opening birthday presents and that beautiful lingering hug. Places revisited on trips or simply driving by a school spark a memory. You are asked to find a document in a file where there are pediatric physicals, report cards and even class photos. Mail arrives in their name. You turn off their social media and cell phone that continues to receive messages, unknown to some that they are gone. Finding a book you gave them with special writings about why a child needs a parent, instantly crushes you. It is a holiday or event they loved and immediately you feel their smile. In a room, remains a familiar aroma, filled with cherished items. You bury your head in their clothing or blanket and long for what was.
Employers, after you read this, close your eyes. Imagine planning an unexpected funeral costing thousands of dollars. You are asked what will you dress your child in as people pay their respects. Walking into a cemetery to buy real estate when you should be enrolling them in school. Where will the funeral be held, how many people will you expect? What would you give to be planning a birthday party and not a funeral? Please tell us about your child and their love of life for their obituary. Hours spent on the phone, driving to appointments regarding death. You may have court dates to resolve legal issues that can drag on for years. If your child was the age of 18 and there was no will or power of attorney in place, guess who is making “your” decisions? Oh yes, and be ready to go back to work in three days according to your own policy. Rethink bereavement time for immediate family members.
Extended family and friends, please understand that no one grieves like the parents. They gave birth by the grace of God with a mother carrying life, and a father daily by her side. Be there for them, holidays are especially painful. They love to hear their child’s name. It is okay to speak it and remember the good times out loud. A natural fear is that over time, their child will be forgotten. Many know their children’s dreams and want to see those through some how, some way. Most would love to create a scholarship, non-profit or some way to remember them while helping others. These memorials take a team effort to accomplish and they will need help. Stopping by for a visit or including them in activities, especially during holidays, can help ease the enormity of loss. Be there to listen, offer food, watch their other children, even if its been many years. This is a new life they never imagined. You have the power to pray and help walk them through a new normal. Do not dismiss their feelings, even years from now. Each family handles grief differently. Tread lightly, but tread. They need you more than they will likely admit. Feelings of guilt linger forever and then they hear, “you should be over this, it’s been a long time.” Like it or not, someone will continue to say those words. Losing a child means that they are not the same person you once knew. Give them grace, they will need it and most certainly deserve it.
Hug your blessings,
MamaC
“Truly, truly, I say to you, that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; you will grieve, but your grief will be turned into joy. “Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world. “Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.” John 16:20-22
