Navigating against the wind

It has taken two years and eight months to begin going through our son’s things. There is no time line set or expectation to YOUR journey through loss. People say that everyone’s healing is different, although there are similar experiences. Each time I need to go through an old file or look for something, CERTAINLY, I will find a reminder of our son. An average task of looking for photos, for a celebration that include old pics and BAM! there he is. Smiling or a silly face of course, yet tearing at a Mother’s heart. Looking for a document and there are medical records or a death certificate nearby. Realizing that I have accepted loss (as if we had any choice), yet knowing he lives in our hearts forever. Two years and eight months seem like a long time to STILL be recovering from trauma and shock, as most everyone else has “moved on”. As parents that have lost a child, there is a word: Vilomah. It means, “against a natural order.” The pain continues to pull at our hearts daily. I pray for most of those reading this that you NEVER understand these words. For those that do, you are not alone, this is a new life. One that we did not expect, yet were given, for whatever reason. Walking by faith does not mean that you will not question, WHY? in the wee hours of the morning. It is living with hope.  We have a choice, even in grief, to smile after we sob and know that we are TRULY loved by God. Walking by faith IS a choice we have. Each day it is a blessing to be able to look up and be happy for what we were gifted, now matter the amount of time.

Peace & Blessings!
MamaC

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  Hebrews 11:1