Look up and ponder what’s in your heart…

Graduation is around the corner.  Are you anticipating and maybe even apprehensive about your child leaving for college in only a few short weeks?  Weren’t they just in kindergarten?  How did this happen so quickly?!  When we were looking at different schools, the larger ones worried me.  Would he make it to class in time?  Would he even FIND his class?!  There were thousands of students.  There were opportunities for learning, as much as parties, lurking around every corner.  Was the college academically what our child was looking for?  Not to mention costs!  So many questions and details to think about…NOT ONCE did I think about the hospital, except that there was one nearby…just in case.

Truth…anything can happen to anyone at anytime.  When you are looking at colleges, look at the medical care available.  Look at the town they are in.  Our son was being flown to the trauma center in the exact town where I was worried about sending him.  I was concerned about the size of the college being so large and sincerely believed he would be “safer” in a small rural town in mid Missouri.  I write these words because most families would never think of these things.  I wish I didn’t have to, but since I have, I’m praying these words are helpful.

A few things I’ve learned…Coroners are elected officials that do not need to have a lick of forensic science.  Police do not have to do reenactment of scenes, even when it is a death.  It is legal to be on your phone in some states while driving.  Drivers do not have to be checked for alcohol or drugs when they hit someone.  If you cross the street and are NOT in a crosswalk and get hit, it is YOUR fault.  HOLY COW KIDS, crosswalks are important, ALMOST as important as the people you choose to hang out with.  Something else?  It CAN happen to you.

Okay, so this blog is about looking up and being happy.  Looking up to God and bowing my head in prayer is what helped me survive this journey our family has been traveling.  After more than one clear toxicology report, I was told it would have made everyone’s job easier, if it was our son’s fault.  Yes, indeed.  I pray, a lot!

It took four months to get a death certificate and one year to close out paperwork.  Our son didn’t own anything, except our hearts.  If you do NOT have a WILL in place for your 18 year old you are NOT privy to information due to privacy. ONE document that could inform you of details when you are grasping for why?  Even if reports do not give you answers, the realization that you are not privy to your own child’s records without proper paperwork, is surreal.  Even when the University told us we needed our son’s permission in writing to see his grades, the medical part never crossed my mind.  I was still in shock thinking…WHAT?!  I’m paying for this, of course I should see his grades!  My suggestion… a “will” is a great birthday gift for your 18 year old!

Your adult children can be under your insurance policy, but you may want to check out the terms of what happens when your dependant adult is involved in a claim.   Thank goodness for insurance, but know it BEFORE you need it.  Did you know that your own insurance company, after you pay your deductibles, can come back after any expenses they pay out in a claim if there are funds in your “adult’s” accounts?  The things I have learned…

Connor had signed his organ donor card, as I would have expected.  He did help many other people live the life he couldn’t. The phone call approving it over the phone in shock is a tough one to ride out.  We have received thank you’s from recipients that bring me to my knees and for that, I am grateful.

I pray your child’s college and future experiences are wonderful!  Our son was smart.  He scored in the 30’s on his ACT.  He had a full ride between academic and ROTC.  He is not here to tell about his fun college days as he’d hoped.  I tell you these things so that you may be more prepared than we were for sending our first child off to college.  Check out the town your child will be living in, not just the University they will attend. PLEASE take these things into consideration.

Most importantly, the Look Up part…the wonderful part…don’t worry, just pray.  It is NOT in our control anyway.  It’s in God’s hands.  He wants the best for you and me and death was not included in that.  I thought I was smart.  I knew I could see where our son’s phone was at all times.  Guess what?  It didn’t matter.  It was a false sense of control for me.  It was also humbling, when he realized I had checked on him.  Did you know you can be notified by email when someone checks your location?  🙂

I could drive myself crazy wondering what if’s…but it won’t change anything.  Do pray for your children and their future.  Pray they make good decisions and explain to them that they hold your hearts.  Tell them how much you love them, write them letters, hug them tight!  The biggest lesson I’ve learned is how little control we truly have in this life.  I did everything I knew to do to keep our son safe.  I am sure you do or did the same.  Through prayer I have physically felt the peace that can happen.  Anger only hurts you, control is a false sense and love heals all, even when you believe you’ve lost it.  It is there…eternally, thank you Jesus!

Today, I work at not being to busy to ponder things in my heart.  With all the commitments, cell phones, social media, sports, and material desires that seem to make work never ending…there is not much time left to reflect.  Take time to appreciate the amazing gift of life you have been given and live with purpose. Our earthly life is short.  I recommend eating dessert first, AFTER looking at the menu and giving thanks.   Love, peace and blessings as the school year draws to a close.

MamaC

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6