Destiny…
Destiny is defined as “what is meant to be, what is written in the stars, your inescapable fate.” Connor left us in as much of a surprise as when he arrived into this world. I was in shock to realize we were expecting a child. Not that I wasn’t old enough, as I was 28. I had a career and a child was not part of my plan at the time. I took a test three times before I checked the lot numbers on the boxes and declared the entire lot to be bad…another D word, denial.
Once I was over the shock of a curve ball outside of MY plans, I was happy, yet frightened at the responsibility of another life. I craved McDonalds cheeseburgers, chocolate milk and white powered donuts daily. Funny how these were some of Connor’s favorite foods. We could not think of any names for a girl and Connor seemed to stick as we wondered if we would be celebrating pink or blue. The nurse in the delivery room was from Jamaica. She smiled and told me that if the baby was a boy, she would be putting him back. Thankfully she didn’t. He was the most beautiful child I had ever seen and I was grateful for unexpected blessings.
As we arrived home with our new bundle of joy, John answered a ringing phone – the type still connected to the wall – and accepted a job in Illinois. Six weeks later, we moved from Texas to his new job, 20 years ago. It was good to be near family. He was my parents first grandchild (insert sarcasm) and not spoiled a bit. Life was grand.
He was a bright shining star in our world. So bright, that I dropped my career to stay home to care for him. I was again in shock at the thought of leaving this child of ours. My husband married a career woman that turned into a Mama overnight on August 1st one fine year. Our only child enjoyed us all to himself the first few years of his life. He and I were a team. John called me his attorney in all things Connor. He would ask his Father for something only with me by his side, in case he needed back up. John could see us coming a mile away. Thank goodness my husband has a kind and gentle heart. We had many grand adventures the three of us, and then four and then five.
Flash forward to the high school years. Another surprise…the beginning of Connor’s freshman year we got a call that two children needed us. After a family meeting together, the five of us made the jump into adoption. Our two youngest joined our crew. It was a tumultuous ride for a while. We all hung in together as we grew to a party of seven overnight. We all learned together how life can go up and down. I do not believe any of us would have changed a thing about how our family number grew, despite the challenges. Adoption gave us growth in our hearts and a new perspective on life.
During the high school years, we always seemed to get a surprise or two in the form of a phone call. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it was not. All of these times made us grow in some way. It was most difficult saying goodbye as our oldest left for college. We knew it was time and he was a smart, loving, outgoing young man. We were as excited for his new adventure as he was.
In the Fall of 2014 a new video game called “Destiny” hit the market. Calvin’s birthday is in early October. He was so excited to get this game. He saved his money all year to get an Xbox One so that he could play games with his brother although he was hours away at college. Calvin also rallied for me to pay for this game for Connor, as my gift to Calvin, for his birthday. They were never able to play the game as he left us twelve days later.
October 18th was yet another surprise. I spoke to Connor that afternoon not knowing it would be our last conversation. There was no chance to say goodbye. Connor may have said it was his destiny. He knew and loved God. He believed in signs and loved the stars. We spoke many times of how when things happened, they happened for a reason. Just as he came into this world as a beautiful surprise, he left as quickly. The time we have on this earth is fleeting. I do not regret the life I was blessed with. Have I made mistakes? I certainly have and continue to do so. Since he left this earth, I see things that would probably make people think I have lost it. Maybe someday I will share them, but for now, just know that each day there are surprises in store for you. I call them blessings. Remember to look for these blessings, even in the darkest of times and you will find them. There are truly links to each other eternally. Love does not die with death. True love is eternal and worth the wait.
Walk outside, look up and be happy!
MamaC
A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth. It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart. Ecclesiastes 7:1-4
P.S. I’m getting better at selfies…
