If only we had known…
Today is not about grief, even though it is within me. I write to plead with you. If you have an adult child PLEASE help them prepare a Last Will & Testament. I am sure most believe that after 357 days of losing our son in an accident, we would be well on our way to healing. Would you believe that today we are meeting with an attorney for our children due to the fact that we had no “Will” for our 19 year old son? Instead of just trying to breathe through the next week leading up to October 18th, we are in knots meeting with someone that determines the fate of our own insurance policy.
In those first few days after the accident, we were in a tailspin of what do we do? Who do we call? All of the sudden the insurance we had never really though about, was ever so important. What was our coverage, how does it come into play? Will our insurance cover the care needed to try to save our son’s life? Friends, know what you have BEFORE you need it. Take the time to understand what each part of your insurance coverage means.
Know an attorney that will have your best interest at heart BEFORE you need one.
We had everything in place in case anything were to happen to us as parents. All paperwork done and ready to go in case of an accident or a health issue. We never thought about what if it were one of our children.
We were told that we needed an estate set up for our son because he had no will. I could not imagine why, because everything he had, we provided for him. He was a freshman in college for goodness sake! What in the world would he need an estate for? He was an adult child under our auto policy, therefore any money paid out would go to him. Wait, what?! By the way, because he didn’t have a Last Will & Testament any money left would be split between each family member. Hold on, you mean that even though it is our policy that we pay for, the money is split six ways? Yes, and if you were divorced and remarried, the money is split between every person, adults and children. So now we have an attorney protecting our own children from any mistakes we may make with their money, until they are adults. Not only have we lost our son, but we apparently have lost our ability to handle our own children and good decisions for them. Am I grateful for insurance? You bet I am! Do I wish I could turn back time and make more informed decisions? In so many ways. But wait, who has first rights to the insurance money in his estate? Our own health insurance that paid the thousand of dollars to two hospitals and the $35,000 helicopter ride. We paid our deductibles. I am talking about any money our health insurance paid out over and above our normal responsibility. This amount was nothing to sneeze about. So when they asked me what did your son owe to people, I never thought about this amount of money.
As a side note to parents of college students, any government loans, only in your child’s name, are forgiven upon their death. The government does have a heart.
When that insurance person tells you life insurance on your children is a good idea, listen to them. You never want to think about this, but it COULD possibly happen.
When you are looking at colleges for your child, look at the town. We never thought twice about the quaint small town our son was living in, until we were thrown into medical care, city and county reporting procedures. Our son loved that town, we met awesome people there including the Mayor and professors at the University. We loved the beautiful state park there. It was the perfect school for our son. I had reservations about our son going to a huge university. Guess where they were flying him to for help? The town with the huge university. Look at every aspect possible of the town your child will be living in.
These are just a few things I have learned this past year. Our insurance policy was paid into an estate, health insurance has first lien rights, then it is split between all remaining immediate family members. If those members are under 18, they have an attorney for their rights protecting them from you, as their parents. We have already been in front of a judge last Spring so that the insurance company could finish their part of this. On Tuesday, we go again to stand our ground as parents that love our children and want the best for them through this loss. As this year comes to a close, we continue to pray for guidance and healing. I do share our journey in hopes that it will help just one other family that may need to be prepared for a loss such as ours.
I pray that you do not wait one day to have a Last Will drawn up for your adult, single children. I pray that you never know why or how long it takes to “get over” the loss of a child. I pray that you hold your judgements to yourself if you must judge.
The most life changing event has taught me to live fully in the present, depending on my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ in all circumstances. I used to divide things into what I could handle and what I needed to turn over to God. Guess what?! If I turn it all over to God, life is SO much more worth living.
Our family has been showered with love and open arms of family and so many dear friends. Thank you all for your prayers and support as we continue our journey. Much love, peace and blessings!
MamaC
This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
