Never alone…
Four years ago today hundreds of people poured through the doors of Trinity Lutheran Church to pay their respects to our family. We stood with our son for nearly 8 hours. Time seemed to move quickly through my eyes. Yet, each time I looked up, I saw friends and family patiently waiting in lines and pews. We were all in shock.
The doors opened at 4pm and there were people hugging us close until midnight. Seeing his friends fall apart as they approached and passed by him, was indescribable pain. I loved these young adults. It was easier to handle my own pain as I prayed to lift them with a smile or a funny memory. I remember attempting to put his friends real names with what he called them. He never used anyones given name. There was a continuous story with him, behind the nicknames given. He was a connector of people and brought humor to us when it was most needed. Seeing what an impact he made on so many was overwhelming.
This time of year, grief picks me up and furiously slams down without consideration. From the night of the call on 10/18 to his funeral on 10/23, a heavy cloak covers me like a mist in the mountains. Thank you to those that find patience with grieving hearts and those that lift others up through unexpected acts of kindness.
As a teenager, I would find notes posted on my bulletin board in my room. The only way to post back then. 🙂 They were not disappearing snaps. Each time I looked up, I saw the same words now pressed into my mind. I’m not sure who wrote this, but it forever rings true. I pray you will consider it…
“Don’t find fault with the man who limps or stumbles along life’s road, unless you have worn the shoes he wears or struggled beneath his load. There may be tacks in his shoes that hurt, though hidden away from our view. If placed on your back, the burden he bears may cause you to stumble too.”
Today was a beautiful day. The sun shined as brightly as the moon shines tonight. In case you haven’t, walk outside, look up, and be happy. You are loved.
Peace & Blessings,
MamaC
Connor’s Confirmation Verse:
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11
I printed out that quote. Our society is so quick to find fault with others, to be chomping at the bit to pull the splinter from their brother’s eye while staying oblivious to the log in their own, to be critical and condemning of the mistakes and shortcomings of others. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of it, myself, and when I catch myself having those kinds of thoughts and feelings, do try to remind myself not to judge; lest I be judged. Not to judge, because I know what it’s like to feel judged. It’s so hard to believe Connor has been gone for 4 years. I have never been to a service where the visitors had to be seated and escorted row by row. That speaks volumes for how many people loved him and love your family. I worried about how many hours you stood up there. I know it was Jesus holding you up on your feet. I love you, friend. Thank you for continuing to share your messages. They are impacting more people than you will know on this side of eternity. Sisters, forever, in Our Savior.
Karen K
You continue to amaze me by your faith, courage and perseverance, and I love you all soooo much!