Prepare or Repair…

Three years ago this month I truly thought grief was an obstacle. I looked at the loss of our son as something I could manage and get through. As if loss were a challenge. I even set a time frame in my mind of getting through. It will be better next year, if I can only get through the first year.

Two months after loss, I remember seeing posts on social media of parents that had lost children years ago. It actually came as a shock to me that they were grieving YEARS later. In my mind, I expected I would NEVER be able to live with the type of grief they were posting about. THEN, I met with a mom I love, that had lost her adult son, 15 plus years ago. She cried as we spoke of her loss. I gulped as her reality became mine. I KNOW how terrible this may sound. I was ridiculously confident that I could get through and over the tragic loss of our son.

I took two weeks off of work when he died. My largest client’s national meeting was a mere six weeks after the funeral. I went. I flew on a plane a thousand miles away from home for five days to be there for my best customer, by choice. Realizing I MAY need time to grieve over the holidays, I took several days off. During that time, a good friend of our son, joined him in Heaven. Same families, same friends were together once more. The pain was real.

In January, I was right back to work. July, brought opportunity, to start my own business, and I did. All the while navigating the legalities of not having the correct legal documents in place, when our son died. Not close to sinking in grief, just racing through water as fast as possible. If I could just keep swimming! I’m not going to let this water go over MY head! Believing I had strong faith, yet STILL thinking I was in charge and able to conquer grief myself.

Last May, I opted out of the business I had been in for 25 plus years. Taking the summer off to spend with our family was possible, and so I did. I was home for a bit with no intentions of grief. After all it had been nearly three years and I should be MUCH better by now. I stopped swimming. The waves began to toss higher and pull me under. I was gasping for air.

At this same time, our second child was preparing to leave for college. How could this be?! How would we bear another child leaving when the first never returned? In June, we attended her college preview day. We were terrified. After listening to parents ask questions, we realized that they were asking the WRONG questions! They were worried about what they couldn’t control, instead of what they COULD control. The legal papers WE needed, are NECESSARY for ALL 18+ adults. My heart leapt as we realized HOW we could help parents understand this! You either PREPARE or REPAIR! My husband, and I decided at that point, that we would host, “Put in Place – Just in Case” so that we could GIVE the vital information you NEVER hear about preparing for your child to turn 18.

On Monday, October 23, 2017, we held our first event. Our team of Rene Butler, Bassett Law and Matt Crider, Country Companies; and I, spoke from experience, our story – to the legal and insurance aspects of loss. I prayed mightily that people would come. Not only to hear, but to ACT upon our words, for their own families. The response from those that attended were overwhelming gratitude! To equip just one family would have been enough, yet there were nearly 50 people taking notes!  Please consider being prepared for life as parents of an 18+ single adult and attend our November event. It will be held at the Manny Jackson Center of Humanities in Edwardsville, IL.  Future dates and times will be posted on Lookupleadership.com website.  Our team would be grateful to help YOU see how “Put in Place – Just in Case,” is information you NEED.

The OTHER side of grief is not a side. It is a new life without someone you love. It is not something to get OVER or even through. It is simply, a new you.  Although the waves come and go, keep looking up and remember you can float. THANK YOU to Rene and Matt for volunteering their professional experience and time!  THANK YOU to all that have supported our family these past few years with your friendship, smiles, hugs, kind words, encouragement and love.  See you in November!

Peace & Blessings,
MamaC

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.  Proverbs 22:3

Photo:  MamaC, Matt, Rene