Discerning good from evil

The beautiful flowers that once filled our garden had been overtaken by weeds of death. We now place those flowers near an amazing gift in our life, carved in stone.

We weren’t meant to “do life” on our own. God will lead us if we pray that His will be done and patiently listen. For nearly three years, grief had consumed our family.  We realized it was becoming a choice to keep looking back into darkness. It was paralyzing. We had forever been church goers. Each Sunday, with our entire family in tow, we sat front row, listening but not fully receiving. I began to truly listen and seek God because I needed answers.  Not simply to BE at church each Sunday but to be IN faith, to follow Christ. To begin each day by “looking up” gets me WITH God and on HIS path, not my plan. Don’t get me wrong, I ALWAYS have a plan.  Now I understand that it may not line up with HIS plan.  On a good day, I adjust accordingly. It cleared my large and in charge attitude and for this I am grateful. Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

Thinking we are in control of what happens in life is a myth. The only control we have is how we CHOOSE to respond to events. THIS is what determines our journey. Did I look for answers on “why our son?” Absolutely!  I demanded them, from those closest to this tragedy, that had changed our lives.  I realized, no one here, on this earth, can give the answers I longed for. The choice was clear, to keep my eyes on God or drown in sorrow. Looking back through social media, I found a tweet by our son that stated “walk outside, look up, be happy.” It was written from his heart only three months prior, at the camp he loved. The day of his funeral I prayed, (basically begged) God to hold me up when I could barely breathe. Being the control freak I was, I also promised to shine for Him if ONLY He would help me, as IF he were up for a barter. Oh me of little faith!

1, 023 days have passed now.  God has surely been carrying me. Just recently, I felt one foot touch the ground, again by His grace.  He allowed me to see that I may walk again in joy. It was good. Today I am grateful that He continues to strengthen me through His word and prayers. His answers are not always what I expect or desire, but I do recognize them, where before I did not.

Loss has blessed us. The sadness is real. The sting is not burning, as it once was. Forgive and live. Find happiness in just being. Live simply.  Love larger. Find the good. Enjoy today!

Peace & Blessings,

MamaC

Photo: Mr. C on Father’s Day 2017 with his permission.