What is your story?

When Connor graduated from high school in May of 2014 we gave him this verse: “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope’” Jeremiah 29:11.  In our minds we expected he would have a long and prosperous life. We were looking forward to his college life, career, marriage and eventually grandchildren. I used to think about how wonderful his children would be and looked forward to meeting them someday.  Today, I happened across birthday cards to him from each of us in his family, wishing him a happy 19th birthday and upcoming college adventure.  I looked at them and it hurt.  I thought to myself, this was not to be.

Like most Mothers, my first thoughts of the day are my children. Each day I wake up wondering, if it was all just a nightmare and Connor will come bounding down the hallway with his joyous laugh. My new reality sets in, I sigh heavily, shed a few tears and I pray.

Part of my heart was buried with my son.  Would my eyes ever have that joyous light that used to shine?  Will I every be truly happy again?  How long will I continue to start each day with grief?  Will others show me mercy through this time?

It’s then that I remember, God showed me peace the days following his departure.  Peace that passed all understanding.  He continues to give me signs that He is surrounding my life and carrying me daily.  I am not sure if I look for signs, but I certainly see them.  The angels he sends come to me, in the form of a phone call, letter or visit from a friend just when I need them.  A sermon at church, an article, a song, or Connor’s friends just dropping by.  His friends have no idea how much they help our family through. These teens that many adults believe are narcissistic by nature, text and drop by unexpectedly, just to say hello!  Our family, especially our children, can hardly wait for Connor’s friends to visit with them. In many ways it’s like getting a visit from our son.  They know the history, jokes, songs and can talk about him with joy that helps us all heal. We are grateful for his friends that take the time for this kind gesture.

Last week, we were in Washington D.C. to receive an honor from the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.  We received an “Angels in Adoption” award. We were given the opportunity to speak to leaders on Capital Hill about our experience in adoption. We were able to express to them how important the “Adoption Preservation” program in Illinois is and what a gift the program has been to our family.  We met many families that shared helpful information about their adoption journey.  There are thousands of families that adopt children and we are not special, just blessed that a kind soul thought of us!  We were grateful to accept this honor.  Each family had their own story.  They were hard fought and amazing!

I have found that each and every person, in all walks of life, have a story.  Most of us are walking in this life with a story that has been experienced by someone else.  You are not alone in your journey.  There are people that understand.  In my younger years, I used to believe that no one else understood me.  The struggles experienced have developed me into the person I am today.  Had I not made it through those rough times, I would not be blessed with the family and children I love.

Each difficulty in life brings weakness and then strength through prayer.  Today I found that my father has cancer.  Something new to take to God, as my dad takes to fishing.  I DO believe that God gives us things that we cannot handle.  He does this so that we humbly look to him for dependence, as He lifts us up and carries us through.  I pray for only one set of footprints in the sand.  Tomorrow, we go to court, to hopefully find some closure with our son’s death.  Each day someone has a challenge to face, a new story to tell.  Truth less social media shows everyone’s life as perfect.  Life is not perfect and you are not alone.

For my high school graduation I was gifted a saying that hung on my wall for years.  It is no longer in my possession, but the saying is engrained in my heart…

“Today is a new day.  You can waste it, or grow in it’s light a be of service to others; but what you do with this day is important, because you have exchanged a day of your life for it.  When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever.  I hope you will not regret the price you paid for it.”

Take time to listen to others stories, they are important, just like yours and know…you are not alone.

Jesus answered them, “Do you now believe? Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”  John 16:31-33

Much love,

MamaC

Photo:  Our daughter Claire, visiting her brothers memorial, before her high school homecoming 2015.