Joy, grief & altruism…

October 23, 2015

Joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.  Grief is deep sorrow.  Altruism is the act of doing good things for others, out of concern for their well being.  In the past year, we have had the privilege, heartbreak and honor of experiencing all three.

One year ago today we laid to rest our beautiful boy.  I cannot express in words all that we have experienced this past year.  It has been a year of learning.  Learning to live without a large part of life that brought us joy.  We struggled to live this new life.  I have a dear friend that is an artist, a photographer.  She called and offered to take photographs at our son’s funeral.  We called it a celebration of life that day, yet I do not believe we… felt like celebrating.  Certainly there was a celebration in Heaven that day, but for us, it was great affliction.

We knew nothing of a photographer at a funeral and were unsure of this.  I respected her talent and discretion.  She offered up the fact that we never had to look at them, if we so chose.  We agreed that she should shoot photos that day.  It took months for us to look at them, yet she patiently had them waiting for us.  I was fearful of the pain.  It had been a year of learning how people come together in love to support one another. When we finally opened them, we were shocked at all that we had missed in our grief.  We stood for nearly 8 hours as over 1200 people poured into the church to pay their respects to our son.  Friends waited for hours, with a line extending outside of the church.  When we arrived again the next morning, we were stunned as the pews were full an hour before the service was to begin.  Love surrounded us.   I fought to remember all the people that I hugged and thanked for coming.  It was a blur.  All I kept thinking was, I must keep smiling.  I knew that would be our son’s desire, most certainly at a time like this.  A celebration of his life is what he would have wanted.  It’s how he lived, always a good time, surrounded by friends.

The photos are a blessing.  I will be forever thankful for the opportunity to clearly see what I missed before.  I saw our family, all of our friends, our son’s friends, the love, support, prayers, music, singing and ALL of the food!  There were significant moments that I never would have remembered, if not for my friend the photographer.  I share this video below, as I believe it is a beautiful expression of a most difficult day.  This is not intended to make anyone sad.  I pray that you see it as a gift, as I did.  Our family is grateful for all that have blanketed us in prayer and continuous acts of kindness.  Thank you dear friends for reminding us to look up and be happy!

Much love,

MamaC

Connor