A Father’s Love on Mother’s Day…

Have you ever noticed how love can change a person?  Change that can bring your heart, to a level you never thought possible.  It has been said, that the pain of loss, is a true reflection of  how deeply you have  loved.  We have loved deeply.  It does not matter if your child grows in your heart, or your belly, you love them all.  It does not matter if they are with you in person, across the country, in college or in Heaven.  A Mother’s love is forever.  Connor, had the best of us, all to himself , for three short years and he knew it.    Being the oldest child of five, he led with a strong, loving heart, teaching his adoring siblings what love was.  If you knew him, you know this is true.  Love changes us.

Each day is a blessing.  Mother’s Day, is a special blessing.  It is a painfully difficult day for those without mothers.  It is a heartbreaking day for those Mothers, that have lost children.  It is a reminder to some, that their Mothers were unable to care for them, and they have been gifted with another Mother.  It is a reminder for us all, to be thankful for the gift of a Mother that God gave us.

I am thankful for today, although, I have been dreading this first Mother’s day, without my oldest child.  As we wake up each morning, we choose our path for the day.  The fork in the road, gives us an option, that says, darkness or light?  Often, I find myself going down that dark trail, wondering how am I going to breathe and think, to keep myself in the present.  I know God can pull me back into the light.  It has always helped me to know, that I am not the only one feeling these emotions.  It helps my children born from my heart, to know that even though they do not see their birth mother, we are thankful for her.  Thankful that she brought them into this world.

Many Mothers spend their time doing for others, making sure their children are taken care of, safe and loved.  When we are unable to “take care” of our child due to terrible illness, or because they are away at school, or their lives have taken them in another direction from your family, a part of your heart is aching.  It is days like these, that I wonder, how I will get through?  I look upwards and pray for strength, peace and reminders to be grateful for what was and remember, we are all here for a reason.

A Mother’s love is born through our Heavenly Father’s unending love.  Look up, be happy reminds us to always be looking up in life, to God.  Looking up, to find a smile, hope and remembering to be thankful, even during tragic loss.  The love our Heavenly Father has for us, to willingly give His only son, so that we may have forgiveness, and eternal life is amazing!  The ultimate gift of love!  There is nothing we need that He cannot provide.  Our lives are not random happenings.  I used to believe in self-sufficiency.  I now know that is a myth.  Life can disappear in an instant.  See His power in your weakness.  He never leads us without equipping us for the task at hand.  In His time, not ours.  

I will not see my son this Mother’s day, but because of Jesus,  I know I will see my son again, someday.  There is no gift that could be better than this…on any day!

Happy Mothers Day!  MamaC

The photo above:  On the way to the hospital where Connor was born, 19 years ago, there was a huge rainbow.  It looked as though it was leading us, to the hospital.  The day we took him to college, there was another beautiful rainbow, just as we arrived to campus.  Yesterday, was the day  he should have been coming home to us, after finishing his freshman year of college.  My dear friend, sent me this photo of the sky across our home town, late afternoon.  After a long day with waves of grief, this reminder, brought a smile to my face!  God is Good!

In memory of Connor and his love for camp, the song below, is this mothers’ favorite camp song…the man who wrote this song, is from Waco, TX, where Connor was born!  

Pass it On…

It only takes a spark to get a fire going, and soon all those around, can warm up in it’s glowing.  That’s how it is with God’s love, once you’ve experienced it, you spread HIS love to everyone, you want to pass it on…What a wondrous time is Spring, when all the trees are budding.  The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming.  That’s how it is with God’s love, once you’ve experienced it!  You want to sing, it’s fresh like Spring, you want to pass it on…I wish for you my friend, this happiness that I’ve found.  You can depend on him, it matters not where you’re bound, I’ll shout it form the mountain tops, I want my world to know, the Lord of love, has come to me, I want to pass it on!  – Music & Lyrics by:  Kurt Kaiser…Waco, TX