When I grow up, I will marry you!
He looked up at me with those sparkly, smiling eyes and exclaimed, ”When I grow up, I will marry you!” His heart deteriorated as I explained Daddy’s role.
Becoming a mother was an beautiful, unimaginable gift. Overwhelming love and emotion burst through the wonder of God’s grace and merciful blessings of a child.
I never imagined that this joy would only be with us a short while. In the deep pit of loss, I found myself looking back in time as that was where I found him. It is a horrific line of grief to walk, when the past is where we find joy.
Three months to the day of his funeral, our first born posted on social media these words: ”Walk outside, look up, be happy.” How in the world could anyone ever be happy without their child in it? Looking back seemed to be the only option to find him. Telling stories and sharing the beauty of his life helped keep him alive in my heart and introduced him to those that did not know him.
When building a house, the foundation is poured first. A solid foundation is crucial to the strength of the home during storms. Mama’s are continuously preparing our children for the storms of life. We give warnings when we see the sky darken and celebrate when the sun is out. No matter how much we prepare ourselves and our family, it is impossible to dodge the full force of a hurricane or tornado delivering loss.
As our children grew, we learned to look up and out for their well-being. Unexpected loss taught us to look back. Looking back also reveals how we may have done things differently. It is there that regret and sadness can quickly envelop us. Happiness is a fleeting emotion while the weight of grief remains.
Oh, the humility and devastation of child loss! Who understands this more clearly than another parent scaling this mountain? I am not sure who said that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but He certainly does! It is through the eyes of grief that we fully understand the depth of love and sacrifice of HIS only son, gifting us eternal life in Christ.
How do we know where to go from loss? Map guidance is found in His word. Focusing upward, lifts us to where our gaze is set. Each mourning, I challenge you to “Walk outside, look up and be joyful!”
Peace & Blessings,
Mama C
“Let the little children come to me; for it is such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs. Matthew 19:14
I cannot, thank God, know the grief tides that sometimes swallow you, I cannot know that kind of “trying to breathe”. But I have stood beside and observed it all and I can honestly say that I have witnessed God pouring His strength, healing, grace, direction, faith, endurance, hope, and power into you, And you, turning and pouring it into others💕You are His amazing child. You are the strongest and most faith-filled woman I know. I admire and love you as my very close forever-friend, but also as a soldier carrying Jesus’ cross. The weight sometimes crushing you and you looking up and seeing God and finding joy. You truly do “Walk by Faith” and One day, your journey will lead you into Paradise. And a your mourning will turn to unimaginable joy and peace! This my friend, I know.
I am forever thankful that God placed us together in college. You are a light in my world and I love you!
Mama C you are always inspiring and I am thankful I have you that understands what I feel and we are not alone. You put light at the end of my tunnels at times when you don’t even know it! You are a blessing to others
We are all stronger together and being held in God’s hands. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement!